Tag Archives: www.femalearts.com

Wendy's baby diary – 7 months

Posted on by

Time to cut off the milk supply?

Signs indicating it’s time to stop breastfeeding:

1) Baby’s got more teeth than you’ve got nipples

2) Baby tugs down your top

3) Baby tries to suck other parts of you, in the belief that mummy is made of milk

4) Friends and relatives say ‘You’re not still breastfeeding are you?’

5) Bitty

I think it’s time to hang up the Closed sign on the milk bar. Baby Dillon’s got six teeth. He’s eating solids (toast, blueberries). He’s rolling around the floor and knocking stuff off the TV stand. He’s sleeping through the night in his own bed, in his own room. He’s racing around the
kitchen in his baby walker (able to reverse and manoeuvre past the clothes
horse). What happened to my newborn? Before I know it he’ll be scaling Everest and
I’ll be crying into his baby clothes saying “you used to be this big”.

Baby Rash

Dillon was ill with a rash which turned out to be a viral
infection. It’s so scary to see a bright red rash on his trunk. The instant
concern is, is it meningitis? do the tumbler test. He recovered in a couple of
days, so we took him to visit my mum with a new travel cot, which of course he
didn’t sleep in, and when he doesn’t get any sleep nor do we. The travel cot
also functions as a portable prison ahem playpen so it will get used one way or
another.

Festive

I had thought Dillon was too young to appreciate Halloween
or Guy Fawkes but nearer the time I realised we could enjoy these special
occasions and get some memorable photos. My friend carved him a pumpkin lantern
and Dillon wore a monkey outfit for Halloween and went to a themed baby sensory
class and fancy dress day at his nursery where all the staff wore pyjamas.
Cute. Now I’m looking forward to his first Christmas. He’ll be dressed as baby
Santa with a red hat. The dog will have on a pair of reindeer antlers. And wearing
a knitted Christmas pullover will be Colin Firth. Who can stuff my turkey anyday.

Swimming

Baby swimming lessons have finished, it was a bit of a wash
out with nearly half the lessons cancelled or postponed so we didn’t learn a
lot. Dillon got used to being carried around in water. We might try again in the
New Year so that one day we can have our own Nevermind album cover.

Juggling

Can I manage baby Dillon and a Masters degree and go back to
work? I’m unsure. But you don’t know until you try. Some people thought I was
mad to be starting a MA when I was pregnant. It has been tough and I wouldn’t
still be on the course without support from certain people. Getting out of the
house to go to class has been positive for me. So many mums work full time then
it’s a shock to the system to be at home all day for 9 months to a year. So commuting
into London one or two days a week gives me a bit of normality. I think every
mum, however much she loves her kids, needs an occasional break.

So when I’m worried about running out of nursing pads and number
3 baby formula I can take my mind off it with French and Greek philosophers,
the classical dramatic paradigm and bright young things running about campus.

The main problem I have is burning the midnight oil as I can’t
concentrate until he’s gone to bed and by then I’m hankering for some medicine
(see previous baby diary http://frostmagazine.com/2011/10/wendys-baby-diary-six-months-guilt-isolation-and-men/), go to bed at 2am and get woken by Babezilla at 6.45am.

Congratulations

Lots of happy baby news – congratulations to our friends
Nathan and Bonnie on the birth of baby Samuel, Kevin and Louise who had baby
Aidan and my brother Terry and his wife Ola who had baby Matthew. And to our
friends L&M who are expecting. First timers – you don’t know what you’re in
for. Second timers – memory lapse?

Until next time

I think my get up and go, got up and went!

(c) Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy's baby diary – Six months! – Guilt, isolation and men

Posted on by

Six months old

Dillon was six months old on Monday the 3rd October 2011. A lot has happened in this first six months including his christening , baby swimming classes, health centre visits and weigh ins, the
dog eating the midwifes shoes, the whole experience of giving birth, going to University, starting my website http://www.femalearts.com, being off work, weaning the baby, his milestones including Dillon getting his first baby teeth, sitting up, rolling around on the floor, playing with his feet, smiling and laughing and interacting with objects and people.

I’d like to thank Catherine Balavage at Frost Magazine for offering me this blank canvas to write about Dillon. I wanted to document these moments so that in the future I can look back (hopefully Dillon will also read it) and have a record of this wonderful, life changing time.

It’s been a brilliant six months but it’s also been tiring, stressful and a lot of hard work. I’ve said in my diary about how the baby is progressing, the goods, toys and clothes we have bought for him, what activities he is enjoying and how he’s developing but I don’t think I’ve said so much about my feelings. The following topics have been on my mind recently…

Men with babies

Recently there has been a couple of TV Doctors with babies – Doc Martin has a baby, James Cordon was left holding the baby in Doctor Who – portraying what it feels like for the dad to be the primary carer –the Doctor Who story was about panic and fluster with the conclusion that dads
are actually protective loving individuals and the mums are competent women who make lists and mother both their partner and baby.

Nothing is that clear cut and I’m not sure there is a big gender difference in the way we are parents, it may just boil down to the amount of physical time spent with the baby = the more you know them = the more competent you become at dealing with them.

The only thing that aggravates me with stories on TV about dads coping alone with babies is that there aren’t an equivalent number of stories about mums coping alone with babies. Because it isn’t all confident list making and natural mothering instincts, it’s often panic, confusion, stress,
isolation and guilt.

Isolation

It’s lonely being a stay at home mum. Even though it is through choice I miss chatting to colleagues, I miss talking to my husband, I miss my family, and I miss my friends. Having another adult in the house during the day (e.g. when relatives have come to stay and at the weekend when the baby’s dad is at home) makes so much difference to my life. All the bags of stuff needed
to carry around for the baby, all the preparation that’s needed before I can leave the house, all the attention and love and care that Dillon needs – is so much easier when it’s shared.

Recently I have realised I need to make more of an effort to see my friends – especially friends who are available in the daytime. Getting out daily with the dog and the baby for walks and taking baby to classes or shopping is something but it’s not the same as being with people who know and care about me, who I can have a proper conversation with.

I can see why going back to work begins to look appealing because you can start to be yourself again and have adult interaction without constantly thinking about the baby’s needs and their safety. But employment means childcare. Which brings me onto my next subject – guilt.

Guilt

As a parent there is one thing you can be certain of – a steady almost constant feeling of guilt. I think it stems from conflict between personal needs/wants and that of your child.  My current guilty feelings are – guilt for using formula, guilt for starting weaning before six months, guilt for not weaning successfully, guilt for not establishing a pattern (of eating/sleeping), guilt for trying to establish a pattern, guilt for not living up to other people’s parenting expectations, guilt for not
returning to work yet, guilt for arranging childcare, guilt for doing my master’s degree, guilt for not being sure, guilt over baby’s eczema not clearing up, guilt for letting the dog spend time with baby, guilt for separating dog from baby, guilt for daily dressing of baby in babygro’s in attempt to stop skin contact with whatever is causing the eczema, guilt for not taking enough photos of baby, guilt for not posting all the thank you cards yet, guilt for not buying enough things for baby, guilt for spending so much money, guilt for wanting my boobs back, guilt that he cries a lot, guilt whenever I let him cry before going to him, guilt that I’m spending time writing this!

There’s too much guilt, worry, anxiety and the only consolation is the thought that other people may be feeling the same way.

Self-Medication

One of the best ways to cope is summed up with a quote from my friend BenJohn’s facebook update.

“Youngsters, you probably think booze is for enjoying and having fun. Let me assure you it is a medicine for those with children to let them relax in the gaps when they’re asleep.”

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.